As I get older I continue to further my understanding of karma… And how it never works the way it’s supposed to. The best people in the world are struck down and the terrible, terrible people control the world, healthier than ever… I am not strong but I pretend to be. Because I know those around me are weak just like me. And as reverse karma slowly takes hold of us, I find it reassuring. Reassuring that this world will truly never change. The poor will always be the poor, the rich always the rich. The evil always winning, and the good only celebrating short victories.

All my life, I’ve wanted to make people proud and even, possibly, entertain them or make their life somehow better. If even for a second, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’ve tried to be a good person. No, I am a good person. I feel sorry for killing ants and obviously worse when a person dies. My pain is so unimportant compared to the hurting of the world. But, this is my world, I am part of the world of those who love me and know me. And to them, parts of their world would die as well. I’ve never wanted to worry anyone. There are things in my life that I have done wrong, things that I’ve lost and things I can never have back. But that’s what makes me who I am.

I don’t dwell on the past, only on the present. Maybe that’s why I’m such a mess. The future is unchangeable and the past is even more so concrete, yet everyone else is so bent on changing it… And they’re all doing fine? So what if the ice caps melt? So what if hurricanes destroy entire civilizations? There’s nothing we can do to stop the earth from doing what it’s going to do. Maybe reverse karma effects good people in little ways because in the grand scheme, the assholes trying to change everything are going to get it hard when the day finally comes for them.

I just want to live a happy life… And not worry about all the bullshit people are causing anymore. Karma will eventually get them. We just need to worry about ourselves…