I’ve been going through a… creative rebirth as of late. And, really, I have no one to thank for that except Jessica. Now before you jump to the conclusion this is going to be nothing but some washed up romantic post, you’re wrong. We’ve decided to collaborate on yet another thing we have in common, and that is to create an original world and place familiar characters (our RP characters) into it, as well as a plethora of completely new ones we’ve been sculpting together.

For most of my life I have disliked the concept of working with others on something that I hold very dear to myself but I think that’s almost human nature. But some people just click on practically every level, and deciding to give this a try has been fantastic. We’re creating a world more in-depth than anything (I’ll speak for myself here) I could have ever imagined on my own… And we’ve barely scraped the surface. When we bounce ideas off each other, it’s natural. We’ve probably spent about 6 hours in the past two days brainstorming the main city and history and the only disagreement we came to was when it came to touching on the subject of getting the books published. At one point, we literally said the same exact sentence at the same time, word for word. I finally understand how a collaborative effort like, say, Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof, works.

When it’s not about picking at each others ideas, and there is a powerful flow of creativity, it’s bliss.

In other news, I’ve decided to quit Gmod comic making. Not like I did much of anything over the past months but I finally said it.

Personally, I don’t give enough of a shit to put up with people like that. So I guess I’m somewhere between the best and the worst. Yay me!

Yet, I will talk to you about other things. Just this year, I was very shy and very worried about my self-image. When I say self-image I don’t mean my looks. No, for example, I used to not give a fuck about shaving for weeks but now I shave almost every day. I mean not embarrassing myself in front of others, or doing something that may confuse or upset them. Specifically in a store or restaurant when with other people. If they did something weird or were laughing too loud I’d try to stop it. But now I’m extremely open, I’m extremely carefree when it comes to that stuff. I tend to be the person doing those things now.

I was also very much alone at the turn of 2009. Now, I believe I can say with confidence I am more than loved, and in love. A feeling I’ve never felt before in my life. And it’s the greatest.

So… What does 2010 have in store for me? I don’t know. Everything can change in a year. Everything can change in a flash.

And then things went in a very different direction that I definitely wasn’t expecting, and something I didn’t think was going to happen for some time ended up happening. And it’s made a mess. And I’m the person who will be cleaning it up and making sure things don’t get worse. I said that’s what I was going to do, and I am going to go through with it.

Now, though, I really don’t care. And when I do try to care or show that I care, the people I’m trying to show it to end up reminding me why I stopped being empathetic and started being 90% apathetic. Not giving a fuck is an amazing way to go about life. And I don’t mean in the sense of “Oh, boohoo, no one cares so I don’t care about them.” I’m talking about it in the sense that I generally don’t worry about other people’s problems anymore, just as they generally don’t care about mine. It’s nice. It’s really peaceful and calming. The other 10%, well… I care about you either way.